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Warning:

You will not understand all the “jokes”, it’s designed that way, but if after reading this page you feel like it was a waste of time, I recommend you prepare yourself better and try again. Reading Encyclopedias helps little.

Intro-Obduction

“There was a batch of toy Dolls from Martel

that had a computer chip inside.

This particular batch was different from the rest –

it was mistakenly programmed with software

of  another toy – Skipp the Puppy…

these Dolls would bark on touch.

The Chapter – Barkbee Dolls

Ok, easy, I’m not saying you’re a doll or something, but tell me where did you learn to read, write and lie?

If you’re like all other normal “non-alien-shaman-voodoo-spirit-talkers”, the answer is – From other people.

No, books are written by people too! And Internet is not an Extraterrestrial Conspiracy! (who knows though…)

As you should already have been incorrectly guessing, this is not a lesson on Leadership, for “True” Leadership requires a “Great Deal” of Lying. But I “leave it for later” habit.

What we do here about to discuss is the Art of DisIntegration of all things that were piled up unnecessarily by some random number generator – Fears and Hopes, Security and Decency, Love and Family Units.

To dig deep into the Murky waters of Self-Arangement, let’s play a song –

…30 seconds is enough, don’t overload your tiny Brain.

Let’s back get on track with toy Dolls. If you were one of them, like in some Wonderland or something, you would have been diagnosed with Incurable Delusional Impersonation Syndrome, and that’s fine, they’re all Mad there, but for you “Character”, it would mean – No Sex (unless you can control your Sound Effects), no Commercial Value (-Doll that barks? No Thank you),  no Definite Afterlife Plans (may end up as  ‘Collectible’ or a Shooting Target just as well).

Luckily for you, in the Toyland there are these Peeps, called Mechanics. They like pull heads and limbs from toys and place them in other places, mostly useless guys. They would suggest you take your Chip out and sell it on eBay. Then look for one that goes with you ‘mod’. Replace, and voila – You can’t bark anymore! Instead you can speak sassy American and your boyfriend in Ferrari is just around the corner.

~All Problems solved! You Achieved your Full Potential and Discovered Peace and Harmony!~ 🙂

Wait a second, here comes a Mad Scientist,  an Evil Magician and an Idiot “that-doesn’t-know-what-he’s-doing” (hmm, first two seem to fall in this category to, hmmm). Anyway, what happens, they get really drunk on something and deliberately mess up your ToyLand. You can’t seem to find your Ferrary and boyfriend is not yours anymore. Sassy American is not in fashion, and you need a breast implant. WTF* -new, for “Where Time Flys”.

Yo frantickly rush to meKunniks to get that new bling for half the risk of catching STD in New York. But now you need 10 chips for each pimp and it will all cost you: Left arm, right ear, skin tone, you can only speak Korean and your new name is SoeSoe.

You would wight all the pros and cons, but you don’t have that plug-in, and you can only make yes-no decisions. With all that pressure from DeezneyLand management you pull out your Left arm, snatch your Right Ear, peel off the Skin Tone Layer and Introduce yourself, in North Korean as SoeSoe.

Right at that minute 5 cars filled with sheriffes and giraffes pull over to the shop and no questions asked put your in a Toy Cell, under the “No Korean Invalids Act” category, that just passed the road to LasAstaLosVista board of DieRectors.

Se La Vie…”

Conclusion

“-And what did you learn, Charlie Brown?, asked nanny Rosalind.

-“If you want to have Fun, turn on your Observation Mechanisms”, politely replied Charlie.”

The End

Note To all legal authorities: I don’t speak Korean, nor am I affiliated with anyone in Korean Invalid Liberation Army.

-Note to, if still present, reader:

Dear Mr/Mrs Ifstill, do you remember how you got here?